Ode to the New Yorker

Yes, the hour is absurd.
And at 1:00 p. m. today I will curse you.
And may even change my mind yet again,
having changed it this morning once already.
Last week I made a vow to myself
and then spoke it out loud to Kevin to make it real.
I will cancel! I will not renew in January!
If I canceled I could spend the next two years reading
the ones I already have. So that's what I will do!
But then my old friend insomnia came calling.
And there you were.
With your ridiculously/deliciously long "letter from moscow"
How else would I learn about the chess pro who aspires to defeat the Kremlin regime?
Or revisit Kerouac through the eyes of a Harvard English professor?
Or read about a translation of Psalms that aspires to preserve the "rhythmic compactness" of the original Hebrew?
newyorker.com I suppose.
Though I find it much less likely that I would get out of bed and come upstairs to read,
and much more likely that I would roll over and snag one from the growing pile beside my bed.
So for now, New Yorker, you are safe.
One more year at the professional rate (I do not know why I receive this rate and what you think my profession is, but I hope you think I am a writer, even though that's only in my head.)
One more year.
Just don't tell Kevin.

Congratulations!

You have read 100 posts!!

Well, maybe.

If you've read them all you have.

Counting today you have read 101.

My how time flies.

You know those movies -the ones where you catch the same parts over and over and over, but never the entire movie? I'm amazed at how it's always the same parts - the Snoop Dogg scene in Old School, the beginnng of Bad Boys where Téa Leoni is trying to hide from the drug dealers, or Forrest Gump where he and Lt. Dan are celebrating New Year's Eve. (OK, for the record, I have seen both Bad Boys and Forrest Gump through to the end, but you get my point.)

Do you ever feel that that's how your life is? Catching the same parts over and over, watching the re-runs, knowing exactly what is going to happen, but watching anyway because it's what's playing?

I don't.

But I thought it was a good analogy. :)

Happy Turkey Day. Hope you have many things to be thankful for. I do.

To you and yours

Some advice for you

Should you find yourself in a situation that calls for anesthesia,
let me strongly suggest to you that you do not read a tabloid magazine and discuss Britney Spears just prior to receving the happy juice.

It may cause you to think you are a rock star and yell at nurses.

At least that's what I heard.

Yet another quote

What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
-- Robert Schuller

P.S....My name is Melissa and

I forgot to tell you that I'm also a hyprocite.

I ate two packs of Oreo cream cake things (yes, two packs, that's 4 total) right before I made my food snob post.

At least I'm honest.

Success

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Food snob

Hi, my name is Melissa and I am a food snob. I like to look in your cart at the grocery store and see what kind of crap you are buying today. Jumbo bag of doritos, white bread, whole milk, 80/20 hamburger, maybe some little snack cakes, and some cokes. Crisco, powdered creamer,hamburger helper, cake mix, and margarine. Ew.

I can't help it. I judge your cart. I like to silently give awards to the healthy carts I see. Celery, broccoli, orange juice, yogurt, fish, and wheat bread. Good job. You win the healthy cart award. I silently high-five you.

I would be a very bad checker. I would be eyeing everyone's groceries and tsk tsking all the time. Telling people about the dangers of trans fat. Humphing at their cigarettes. Trying to figure out what they're making with the odd assortment of things they bought. I would be fired.

Two jobs ago when a large grocery store chain was a client, I worked on a case where I had to review roll after roll of register receipts. There can be some pretty odd combinations. I laughed a lot. Doesn't take much.....

Happy

It's cold. Finally! I'm happy!

1998

I found an old birthday card from my crazy, crazy, one-of-a-kind, wonderful friend Pauline. Original art work and an original poem. Now that's my kind of card:

Birthdays! Are colors!
Inside the mind's eye.
Awaken and see them!
So fast this time flies.

Such an old soul,
in brand new slippers,
may yet stumble and fall, to be
lifted by widsom.

Carefully, but cautiously, faster
this time you must run
to answer this lifetime
questions of things yet to come.

Age is only the steps we build
up to the stairway to Heaven.
Angels becoming the God that is so.
Not too light!! Not too heavy!!
But wings that are finally even...

Thanks, Pauline. You are truly one of a kind.