Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Under Pressure

Ding ding ding da da ding ding
Ding ding ding da da ding ding
(Anyone remember that?)

So... not posting for such a long time makes me feel a little under pressure....the longer I try to decide what to say, the more it seems that what I say should be important. Poignant. Moving. Perfectly encapsulating the last few months. The best post ever. Goodness knows I've had enough emotional fodder to create a multitude of posts. But lately I'm something that I have rarely, if ever, been - speechless -or rather, postless. Usually posts just flow out of the nooks and crannies of my brain without much effort at all, but this one hasn't been so easy. Each time I start to post I'm painfully aware of the tone - too light? too heavy? too angry? too flip? So I stop. Unable to post about anything else but the elephant in the room/blog, but not really sure what to say, either, I stop. So it feels good to start at last.

As usual, I'm going to use the words of someone else (Josephine Humphreys) to help me sum things up. I have probably quoted her before - this quote is from one of my favorite books, Rich in Love:

Waiting, I felt entirely simple, that is, all of a piece, one-parted. A month earlier, I had considered myself complicated, tangled as hopelessly as someone can get in the course of a young life. But now, here I was, period. ... To my surprise I was nothing but myself. I was simple and...unscathed, yes. But I would not forget.

So I'm back to myself, mostly. Feeling less complicated and less hopelessly tangled everyday. I've been forced to inventory my life and I have to admit that I'm pretty lucky. I'm surrounded by love from all directions- love that is so strong that it is tangible. I'm rich in love. It has comforted me, and cheered me, and sustained me- and for that I will always be grateful.